dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
