She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
