I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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