It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
