he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
