Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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