On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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