took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
