You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
