I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
