i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
