Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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