Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
