i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
