new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
