I wish I could teleport
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
