Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
