just tell him i said nine months
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Help. Why am I so naked?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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