So drunk its hurt
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i out mim tonsoeep
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