And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
