those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
