i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
