True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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