im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
