i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Less talking, more tequila
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
