____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So much rum. So many feels.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
