I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
