thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You smell like stripper and shame
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
