the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
