hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
