Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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