She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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