i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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