Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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