I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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