Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
