Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
