ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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