I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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