I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
