Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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