that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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