2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
