Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
