So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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