I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
