A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
