Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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