I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
