exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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