I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
