So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
